It’s not uncommon to find young-adults reminisce about their school days and wish they could relive all those moments yet again.
Similarly, the majority of us dwell in the past and the beautiful memories that it troves.
You lose someone to death, have a breakup with your partner, BFF leaves for another country — these are some highly emotionally-charged instances that always come back to haunt our conscious.
The little things remind you of the wonderful things you had, and now you’re alone, without them. The texts, what the other person would have said when you feel sick, their smile, their passionate care for you, and the sweet-nothing never-ending talks.
It hurts because now you have nothing. Because you believe you’re never going to feel that way ever again.
Although the advice is casually tossed in conversations, “move on” is easier said than done. In fact, moving on is one of the most difficult things for many people.
But that doesn’t mean it can’t be done and that you must suffer through reckless pain that past causes.
If you’re struggling to move on from an individual, relationship or memory, understand that things will get better. It has to get better. Here are 7 reasons why you’re finding it more difficult (and how you can fix them):
1. You don’t understand the idea of “memories”
Many people desperately try NOT to recall their memories because they believe it would make them sad. (They try to keep themselves busy, drink and do drugs.)
Clearly, they do not understand the fundamental idea of “memories”.
Your past doesn’t have to invoke your emotions. The good or bad days that you have lived, they don’t exactly have to get your reaction.
Life is like a book. Pages need to be turned over; chapters need to be finished and started. When you read the book, you don’t dwell on the previous chapters (and feel sad or joy), do you? Instead, all your attention remains on “what’s next”.
Life is somewhat similar. Memories are like pages and chapters. Once they are over, you don’t dwell on them. Yes, you remember them, but at the same time those pages/chapters invoke no emotions in you.
In short, get your idea of “memories” correct. Rewire yourself. Find the right and better definition.
2. You’re not making new memories
All your school friends, you don’t miss them now as much as you did immediately after leaving school. Right? You’re busy in your own life, with new friends and colleagues.
The same applies even when trying to let go.
If you’re trying to let go of old memories, you have to replace them with the new ones.
So, for instance, if you lost a friend, find a new friend. If you just had a breakup, find a new partner. If you lost your parents, find a new support system. It is not easy to do so, but make that effort so that you don’t feel the void within you and dwell too longer on what you cannot have!
Don’t just stay stuck in one place. Move. Do something. Add new thoughts to your conscious self and new people in your life. Once you start being in present, your past will never mind your future.
3. You have grudge or regret in your heart
If you’re struggling to let go of a person, there’s a good chance that you didn’t have a good ‘closure’ with her/him.
‘Closure’ is basically a simple, filter-free talk where you resolve all your doubts and questions with the other person. And then both the parties find a common ground with mutual respect for each other.
Of course, this is not possible if someone has passed away. In such a case, talk to someone else who was closer to that individual. For example, if you couldn’t tell your father enough times about how much you loved him, share it with your mother or sister. You will feel much better.
When it comes to break-ups, talk to your partner. Don’t leave on a sour note. No matter who’s the dumper or dumpee, ensure both of you have respect for each other and hold no grudges. Try to be friends.
If your heart is clear of grudge and regret, you will find it easier to move on.
4. You’re isolating yourself from others
You can’t make new memories when all you’re doing is lay on your bed and watch YouTube.
You won’t meet new people if you’re not ready to leave your room.
During difficult times, many people end up isolating themselves to feel emotionally stable. However, in return, all they get is more grief and pain.
At such times, you don’t need stability in your emotions ; you need a big boost in your feelings. And this is possible only when you’re mingling with other people and experiencing newer experiences.
So, please, please, do not isolate yourself from a social life. You will find yourself stuck in negative thoughts.
5. You’re trying too hard
When something unfavorable stems, as humans, we desperately try to control it. We try to control everything around us. And while this may seem like a normal thing to do, often the results are counterintuitive.
If you want to let of go of something, you must let loose the situation off your control. It’s essential!
If someone has passed away in your family, do not try to control everyone’s grief and handle all the responsibilities. If your relationship has ended, don’t try to control the “what now” part.
Sometimes, it’s best that you stop, take a step back and let everything unfold in front of all by itself without any controlling action on your end.
6. You’re thinking about life in micro term
Let’s take an example. Say you’re 25. You have more than 50 years to live. FIFTY YEARS. Don’t think that your life has ended just because something terrible has happened. Don’t think you will never feel better again. Don’t think nothing good will ever happen in your life.
You have a large part of your life lying ahead.
There’s a good chance that what you’re experiencing right now, that would be a blur in your conscious months from now. And a year or two from today, you won’t even remember it. That’s how big our lives are.
STOP thinking about life in the micro term. Think macro. You have a long journey ahead. And this pain will fade away. The thing or person that you can’t let go off right now, they won’t even matter in the future. Find solace in that fact!
7. You lack faith and hope
Have faith in God. Even when it looks bleakest and you see no signs of things improving, hope nonetheless.
Trust something. Trust anything. Have faith in a higher power. Know that it will get better — even when you don’t know “how”. Believe in miracles.
Point is, no matter what, NEVER lose hope. You have survived so many things to date, and you will survive this one as well. Hope that you will be fine. Say it loud to yourself. Make it your affirmation.
This holistic belief in your heart will make moving on so much easier for you.
It’s not easy to move on from things, people and memories that you love dearly. But what’s once lost is lost. You have no option but to move on. Now, you can let this journey of moving-on be miserable, or take proactive measures to quicken the process and make yourself feel better.
Above-mentioned are the seven reasons why you’re struggling at this moment. Fix them. And your life will be back on its natural course, with you all happy and giggly. Promise.